“The first duty of love is to listen.” Paul Tillich. 

We are called to encounter the others and to listen to their life stories, their cry for help. Listening is already an act of love! Pope Francis

Listening is never easy. Many times it is easier to play deaf. Listening means paying attention, wanting to understand, to value, to respect and to ponder what the other person says. It involves a sort of martyrdom or self-sacrifice, as we try to imitate Moses before the burning bush: we have to remove our sandals when standing on the “holy ground” of our encounter with the one who speaks to me (cf. Ex 3:5). Knowing how to listen is an immense grace, it is a gift which we need to ask for and then make every effort to practice. Pope Francis

“Seeing with the eyes of Christ, I can give to others much more than their outward necessities; I can give them the look of love which they crave.”  Pope Benedict

“I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”Maya Angelou 

1.  Ask Open Questions – Instead of asking Yes or No questions, try to keep them open-ended. How, What, Where, Who, Why. 

2.   Summarise what the person just said, and say it back to them so that people see that you understand their situation.

3.  Reflect - Just use one of the words the person just used, that way they'll feel you listen. 

 - Helps them open up too.

4.  Clarify - Have them clarify an aspect you didn't understand or is in doubt about.

 - "Tell me more about that" works fine for this.

5.  Give words of encouragement - like "I see", "Ahhhhhh", Say the magic words: “Go on…”

It is simple (but not easy).

Try to listen more attentively to someone today. 

It might mean shaking off the familiarity (I have heard it all before), or the regular annoyance (maybe you have a point)!

Dietrich Bonhoeffer was only 39 years old when he was executed by the Nazis in 1945. He had made broadcasts critical of Hitler in the United States, but decided to sail back to Germany, whatever the consequences. His is courage and vision have greatly influence Christians ever since. He was a pastor and theologian and set up a college for students where he reflected on the meaning of the Christian life. Talking of Christian service he says:

“The first service one owes to others in a community involves listening to them. Just as our love for God begins with listening to God’s Word, the beginning of love for others is learning to listen to them. God’s love for us is shown by the fact that God not only gives God’s Word, but also lends us God’s ear…We do God’s work for our brothers and sisters when we learn to listen to them…Listening can be a greater service than speaking. 

Many people seek a sympathetic ear and do not find it among Christians, because these Christians are talking even when they should be listening. The Christians who can no longer listen to one another will soon no longer be listening to God either; they will always be talking even in the presence of God. The death of the spiritual life starts here, and in the end, there is nothing left but empty spiritual chatter and clerical condescension which chokes on pious words. 

Those who cannot listen lone and patiently will always be talking past others, and finally no longer even notice it. Those who think the time is too precious to spend listening will never really have time for God and others, but only for themselves and for their own words and plans… But Christians have forgotten that the ministry of listing has been entrusted to them by the One who is indeed the great listener and in whose work they are to participate. We should listen with your ears of God so that we can speak the Word of God. 

–Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together (New York: Harper & Row, 1954), 97-8.